Artemis Fowl Decryptions
by Chaotic Hypothesis
Summary: The decrypted writings from the bottom of the pages of the Artemis Fowl books. Took me ages to work them all out. If you haven't read Artemis Fowl, I highly recommend that you do.
1. Artemis Fowl

All right. This is not an actual fanfic, but I am too lazy to be bothered with writing a proper fanfic, with sport and shool and erg homework. I've had these floating around for ages so here you are. The decrypted code that is at the bottom of the pages in the Artemis Fowl books. The grammar is inferred.  
  
Fesh  
  
Book 1 :Artemis Fowl  
  
The Prophecies of Ohm Phlegm, Pot Cleaner to Frond Elfin King. I am Ohm Phlegm Pot Cleaner to the King, but I am much more than that, for I see the future written in the phlegm.  
  
For centuries, we pixies have read the phlegm, but I am the best there has ever been. My visions are generally of little importance. I foretell outbreaks of troll pox or gas spasms among elderly dwarves.  
  
But sometimes even a poor pot cleaner can see wondrous things. A vision came to me two moons ago. When I was gazing deep into His Majesty's own phlegm pot. I was heating the pot over a flame when the sign appeared. This vision was more vivid and detailed than any I had previously seen.  
  
Because of its importance, I decided to write it down for posterity, and so I can say "I told you so". I saw an age when the People had been driven underground by mud men. This is what the phlegm told me. In this time, one shall come among us. Fowl by name and foul by nature. A mud man like any other, he shall learn our secrets and use them against us. I see him now as plain as day. His face is pale; he has dark eyes and raven hair. Yet it must be a mistake for he seems a mere youth. Surely no mud boy could outwit the People. But now I see that the boy is not alone; he is aided by a formidable warrior scarred from a thousand battles.  
  
This Fowl shall hold the People ransom for their most precious possession: gold. And in spite of all our magic, he will prevail; for he has discovered how to escape the time field. Unfortunately, how the story ends I cannot say, but there was more to see.  
  
Someone will bring the People and mud men together, the worst of both races. This fairy's goal is to grind all creatures of the earth beneath his boot. And who is this traitor? It is not clear, but he will start a war unlike anything the People have ever seen. Those who were enemies shall be united against him.  
  
And for the first time, there will be mud men below ground. I have one clue to his identity: a riddle.  
  
"Goblins shall rise and Haven shall fall, A villainous elf is behind it all. To find the one who so disappoints Look ye to where the finger points. Instead of one face, this elf has two Both speak false and none speak true. While publicly he lends a helping hand His true aim is to seize command."  
  
I know, it's not very plain is it? I don't understand it either, but perhaps in the future, all will become clear. Look for a power hungry elf who has a finger pointed at him during our tale.  
  
And so this is Ohm's Legacy, a warning that may save the world from total destruction. There's not much to work with, I know. The details are a bit sketchy. My advice to you is to consult the phlegm. It may be that you are sensitive. I have buried this prophecy with my phlegm pot. If you are not fortunate enough to work as a pot cleaner, there is usually a supply of phlegm every time you have a cold. Here ends the first prophecies of Ohm. But because of the importance of my visions, I shall repeat the prophecies once more.  
  
Of you who have just begun to understand the text, then read on. Of you who worked out the entire message, then congratulations, now go and save the world.  
  
(Whole thing repeats again).  
  
Well, there you go. Phlegm. Lovely. 


	2. The Arctic Incident

This is the decryptions of Artemis Fowl:The Arctic Incident. This code was the easiest of the three, being a stylised form of English.  
  
Book 2: The Arctic Incident  
  
Congratulations, human. If you have cracked this code then you are more intelligent than most of your species. This is a message from the fairy People.  
  
We are seeking out our allies among the mud men. Though most humans are dullwitted creatures, there are exceptions. You, for example.  
  
The reason for your intelligence is that you have fairy ancestors. Do you feel different from those around you? Are your ears a bit pointier than most? Is your tongue long enough to touch your nose? Do you dream of flying? Have you ever thought that you do not belong among the mud men?  
  
That is because you have fairy blood in your veins.  
  
So, young mud fairy, I have a mission for you. As one of the People, it is your duty to protect the earth from those who would destroy it. You must become one of a new race of mud men who love this planet as much as the fairy folk.  
  
There is one simple rule. Use only what you need and use it wisely. Do this and the earth will survive.  
  
Go now and begin your quest. I shell repeat this message for those humans whose fairy intelligence is buried a bit deeper than yours.  
  
(Message is repeated) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
The easiest code to crack, and also the shortest. Hope you enjoyed.  
  
(L) Fesh. 


	3. The Eternity Code

Wow. I got reviews. I never expected reviews. Thankyou guys so much. Charliegirl, I can totally see where you're coming from, and realise that I may be totally crucified by flamers, and thank you for the warning. I am going ahead with The Eternity Code, I hope you will bear with me, as I know there are at least six decryptions up of The Arctic Incident and the original Artemis Fowl. Holidays are coming up soon, and maybe then I will have finished some of my original stuff for you. As it is, I have three unfinished starts of stories in the hard drive, that I hope to get up on ff.net soon. Thanks ppl. (l) Fesh  
  
decryption of Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code  
  
A message from Artemis Fowl. Encrypted.  
  
My dear newfound ally, if you have deciphered this code then you are of sufficient intelligence to aid me in my mission.  
  
You may have heard of the Fowl family and imagine this mission to be illegal or even dangerous. I promise you this is not the case. All I ask is that you help me to keep my memories where they belong. In my head.  
  
There are certain forces at work that wish to deprive me of memories that are rightfully mine. These forces would wipe certain facts from my brain that are extremely important, not to mention valuable.  
  
Who are these forces? They are magical fairies known as the People. I know what you are thinking : this person, Artemis Fowl has obviously lost his mind. Fairy People? He cannot honestly expect me to believe this nonsense. It is a understandable reaction. Two years ago I would have reacted exactly the same way.  
  
But a lot can change in two years. I have seen greenskinned sprites fly under their own power. I have seen dwarfs use their cavernous mouths to dig tunnels. I have witnessed the healing power of elves and touched the flank of a noble centaur. These creatures exist. Take my word for it.  
  
But as powerful as these creatures are, they fear one thing: humans. We are the only creatures with the power to overthrow their underground society. Our numbers could subdue even magic.  
  
So the People have decided that it is too dangerous to have a human boy with fairy knowledge in his head. Soon they will mindwipe me and this extraordinary information will disappear. There is one way to stop this happening. I have entrusted a computer disk to a reprobate dwarf by the name of Mulch Diggums. The disk contains all my knowledge of the fairy folk. Of course, the mind wipe will cause me to forget all about the dwarf and the disk.  
  
Diggums should bring the disk to me, but common criminals are not to be trusted. I ask you to get a message to me. The message is simple. Six words only. Artemis Fowl must find Mulch Diggums.  
  
Wherever you see one of the faithful clutching this book repeat those words. The message will spread like a virus across the world, eventually reaching my ears. I will act upon it, putting all my resources into locating the mysterious mister Diggums.  
  
Once I find him, the disk will reactivate all my memories and the knowledge will be mine again. Do this for me and when I rule the world, you shall be rewarded.  
  
Remember: Artemis Fowlmust find Mulch Diggums.  
  
Your new friend, Artemis Fowl the third.  
  
Well, that was it. The final code. ASDF, I agree with you, it was the most difficult and frustrating code of all the Artemis Fowl books, especially since you have so little at hand to decrypt it with. I admit I gave up on it a few times, and even threw the book across the room I became so annoyed with it. What exactly do you mean, Lelattha? Thanks for reviewing you guys, by the way, I really appreciate it! The code is the little symbol thingies at the bottom of the page in The Arctic Incident, and in The Eternity Code they are those columns of annoying bars. The key to decoding those is the "think fairy, think again" on the back cover of the book, it correlates with the bars on the front cover. Thank you so much! I should be able to have some original stuff up soon, I hope! (L) Fesh 


	4. Author's Note

Wow! This is just an authors note to say thanks to all you wonderful people that reviewed my decryptions, and a very embarrassed apology. I totally messed up the last word, so thank you all those who pointed it out. I looked at my notes, and it did say second, not third. My bad! Anyway, all those positive reviews from you all, thank you so much, made me feel on top of the world. 


End file.
